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500 of the Albums of All Time

Not to soil Rolling Stone’s moment in the sun, but the magazine’s list of the 500 best albums of all-time made me think of other albums. So here it is, in no particular order: a list of 500 albums.

500. That one by Herb Alpert that you’ll find at every Goodwill.

499. Wisconsin Death Trip — Static-X

Bouncing Souls Volume 2 New Album out October 23, 2020

498. Blues Traveler (dealer’s choice)

497. Crazy Frog Presents Crazy Hits

496. Now, That’s What I Call Music!, Vol. 36

495. Godzilla: The Album

494. Dave Matthews: Live, sans the band

493. A Few Good Men: Original motion picture soundtrack

492. Lilith Fair — Lilith Fair

491. A.K.A. Hootie — Darius Rucker

490. Kidz Bop 9

489. Junior high-era mix CD that includes Incubus, Sum 41, and “Brick” by Ben Folds Five

488. The Libertines (for cred)

487. The Shape of Punk to Come — Refused (so much cred)

486. Warped Tour ‘04 sampler (eat that cred)

485. Americana — The Offspring

484. The Faculty soundtrack (mainly for The Offspring song from Americana)

483481. The Matrix soundtracks

480. Butt Stuff — Rick Jagger

479. What the Game’s Been Missing — Juelz Santana

478. Lil Kim (the one about Lil Kim)

477. The Lion King soundtrack from 1994, on cassette (sorry, I was in second grade)

476. The Best of DMX

475. Dixie Chicks, I mean, The Chicks’, but while we’re here, is that any better? What if you were in an all-female country trio called The Dicks? Who isn’t buying that album?

474. Europop — Eiffel 65

473. Believe — Cher

472. Washing Machine Noise — Sonic Youth

471. Human Clay (Edited) — Creed

470. Trick Daddy (the one with “Shut Up”)

469461. Bush’s entire discography

460. Kings of Leon’s “Sex on Fire” single CD

459. Starbucks presents: Norah Jones 

458. No One Ever Tells You — Seth MacFarlane

457. Iron Man 2 — AC/DC

456455. Neil Young’s Archives.

454400. Neil Young’s other stuff.

399. Transistor — 311

398. Pearl Jam the Target exclusive

397. Take off your pants and jacket (Do you get it? Heh Heh…aliens) — Blink-182

396. Two Christmases! — The Get-Up Kids

395390. That bundle of Tori Amos CDs you got for $2.99 at Sam Goody, I mean, f.y.e. (R.I.P.)

389. All up in your iTunes shit — Bono

388. Yoga moans — Lou Reed

387. That one Girl Talk thing everyone loved for a month

396393. Zaireeka — The Flaming Lips

392. Sailing on the Seas of Cheese — Primus

391. Sailing on the Seas of Cheese Live! — Primus

390. Sailing in an Ocean of Cheese — Primus, but older

389380. Minimalist jazz

379. Cum on, Feel the Noise! — Celine Dion

378. Harmless now, Racist later! — Dean Martin

377. Grocery List — Dumb Husband

376350. All the “the” bands from from 2001 to 2003

349. Issues — Korn

348. More Issues — Korn

347. Can we call this one Issues, too? — Korn

346. Booty Butt — Fred to the Durst

345 (tie). Buckcherry, Crazy Town, Tommy Lee’s upcoming solo album

333. Without Drums — Rush

332. Without Rush — Neil Peart

331. Salvation Army bells

330. Kris Kross

329. Unbreak my Heart — Toni Braxton

328300. Phish bootlegs

299. Scatman — The singer of Spin Doctors

298. I Wear Stylish Hats in Public — Cake

297295. Every instance of Samuel L. Jackson saying “motherfucker”

294. The Medicine EP — Jeremy Renner

293. My World — Ron Artest

291. Slam, jam, back again, woop, woop, there it is, the train — Quad City DJ’s featuring John Cougar Mellencamp

290. Trying this “music thing” — Jakob Dylan

289. Pinkerton (2021) — Weezer

288. T.G.I.G.F. — Guy Fieri

287280. Monsters of Rock, Monster Ballads

279. AWOOOOGA — David Lee Roth

278250. Jock Jams

249. Some More Bullshit! — Talking Heads

248242. Business School for Dummies

241. Big Billie Style — Bill Smith

240. Wallet Chain — Ska Prince

239220. Your friends’ bands

219. Ukelele Songs — Eddie Vedder

218200. Goth stuff.

199. Take a Toot — Mars Volta

198. California! — Red Hot Chili Peppers

197. Poster Malone

196. That Ain’t My Kid — Karl Malone

195. What I believe — Karl Marx Malone and the Utah Jazz

194. Sock Jams — John Stockton

193. Dad, you’re a perv! — Ronan Farrow

192. AIYYYYYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI….jungle — Guns N Roses

191180. Steely Dan phase.

179. Phil Collins (dealer’s choice)

178. Trill Bill

177170. The Complete Collection — 4 Non Blondes

143. Skip, plap, pally-wap, doodle-doo, eh, hey? — Bob Dylan

127. Rammstein

120112. Tool

91. Don’t Wunna Miss My Thang — Arrowsmith

71. Spit — Kittie

42. Faf;fjafeoaihdfajka’ — Aphex Twin

16. Oscar-winners — Three 6 Mafia

12. Beer Me! — Bon Scott

10. Spice World — Spice Girls

3. BWAAAMP — Hanz Zimmerz

1. A Scott Weiland Christmas

By Matthew Sigur @MatthewSigur