Not to soil Rolling Stone’s moment in the sun, but the magazine’s list of the 500 best albums of all-time made me think of other albums. So here it is, in no particular order: a list of 500 albums.
500. That one by Herb Alpert that you’ll find at every Goodwill.
499. Wisconsin Death Trip — Static-X
498. Blues Traveler (dealer’s choice)
497. Crazy Frog Presents Crazy Hits
496. Now, That’s What I Call Music!, Vol. 36
495. Godzilla: The Album
494. Dave Matthews: Live, sans the band
493. A Few Good Men: Original motion picture soundtrack
492. Lilith Fair — Lilith Fair
491. A.K.A. Hootie — Darius Rucker
490. Kidz Bop 9
489. Junior high-era mix CD that includes Incubus, Sum 41, and “Brick” by Ben Folds Five
488. The Libertines (for cred)
487. The Shape of Punk to Come — Refused (so much cred)
486. Warped Tour ‘04 sampler (eat that cred)
485. Americana — The Offspring
484. The Faculty soundtrack (mainly for The Offspring song from Americana)
483–481. The Matrix soundtracks
480. Butt Stuff — Rick Jagger
479. What the Game’s Been Missing — Juelz Santana
478. Lil Kim (the one about Lil Kim)
477. The Lion King soundtrack from 1994, on cassette (sorry, I was in second grade)
476. The Best of DMX
475. Dixie Chicks, I mean, The Chicks’, but while we’re here, is that any better? What if you were in an all-female country trio called The Dicks? Who isn’t buying that album?
474. Europop — Eiffel 65
473. Believe — Cher
472. Washing Machine Noise — Sonic Youth
471. Human Clay (Edited) — Creed
470. Trick Daddy (the one with “Shut Up”)
469–461. Bush’s entire discography
460. Kings of Leon’s “Sex on Fire” single CD
459. Starbucks presents: Norah Jones
458. No One Ever Tells You — Seth MacFarlane
457. Iron Man 2 — AC/DC
456–455. Neil Young’s Archives.
454–400. Neil Young’s other stuff.
399. Transistor — 311
398. Pearl Jam the Target exclusive
397. Take off your pants and jacket (Do you get it? Heh Heh…aliens) — Blink-182
396. Two Christmases! — The Get-Up Kids
395–390. That bundle of Tori Amos CDs you got for $2.99 at Sam Goody, I mean, f.y.e. (R.I.P.)
389. All up in your iTunes shit — Bono
388. Yoga moans — Lou Reed
387. That one Girl Talk thing everyone loved for a month
396–393. Zaireeka — The Flaming Lips
392. Sailing on the Seas of Cheese — Primus
391. Sailing on the Seas of Cheese Live! — Primus
390. Sailing in an Ocean of Cheese — Primus, but older
389–380. Minimalist jazz
379. Cum on, Feel the Noise! — Celine Dion
378. Harmless now, Racist later! — Dean Martin
377. Grocery List — Dumb Husband
376–350. All the “the” bands from from 2001 to 2003
349. Issues — Korn
348. More Issues — Korn
347. Can we call this one Issues, too? — Korn
346. Booty Butt — Fred to the Durst
345 (tie). Buckcherry, Crazy Town, Tommy Lee’s upcoming solo album
333. Without Drums — Rush
332. Without Rush — Neil Peart
331. Salvation Army bells
330. Kris Kross
329. Unbreak my Heart — Toni Braxton
328–300. Phish bootlegs
299. Scatman — The singer of Spin Doctors
298. I Wear Stylish Hats in Public — Cake
297–295. Every instance of Samuel L. Jackson saying “motherfucker”
294. The Medicine EP — Jeremy Renner
293. My World — Ron Artest
291. Slam, jam, back again, woop, woop, there it is, the train — Quad City DJ’s featuring John Cougar Mellencamp
290. Trying this “music thing” — Jakob Dylan
289. Pinkerton (2021) — Weezer
288. T.G.I.G.F. — Guy Fieri
287–280. Monsters of Rock, Monster Ballads
279. AWOOOOGA — David Lee Roth
278–250. Jock Jams
249. Some More Bullshit! — Talking Heads
248–242. Business School for Dummies
241. Big Billie Style — Bill Smith
240. Wallet Chain — Ska Prince
239–220. Your friends’ bands
219. Ukelele Songs — Eddie Vedder
218–200. Goth stuff.
199. Take a Toot — Mars Volta
198. California! — Red Hot Chili Peppers
197. Poster Malone
196. That Ain’t My Kid — Karl Malone
195. What I believe — Karl Marx Malone and the Utah Jazz
194. Sock Jams — John Stockton
193. Dad, you’re a perv! — Ronan Farrow
192. AIYYYYYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI….jungle — Guns N Roses
191–180. Steely Dan phase.
179. Phil Collins (dealer’s choice)
178. Trill Bill
177–170. The Complete Collection — 4 Non Blondes
143. Skip, plap, pally-wap, doodle-doo, eh, hey? — Bob Dylan
127. Rammstein
120–112. Tool
91. Don’t Wunna Miss My Thang — Arrowsmith
71. Spit — Kittie
42. Faf;fjafeoaihdfajka’ — Aphex Twin
16. Oscar-winners — Three 6 Mafia
12. Beer Me! — Bon Scott
10. Spice World — Spice Girls
3. BWAAAMP — Hanz Zimmerz
1. A Scott Weiland Christmas
By Matthew Sigur @MatthewSigur
